Separation of Anxiety

romance

2011-11-28T18:58:00.002+08:00

So you might wonder, why i've put a Louis Vuitton ad on my blog.

No im not trying to sell anything Louis Vuitton related. but the other day,

While i was having a long conversation with him.

i asked him what was his first thoughts on me, and when he looked at me

what did he see ?

He thought about it for a while, and said i was like Louis Vuitton

When i asked him why, he explained

At first he was scared to go near me, because i looked expensive

Something hard to obtain, and because i looked perfect.

He didnt dare to go anywhere near me, let alone talk to me

And expect anything out of our friendship.

But as time goes by, he got to know that behind a well built and pretty exterior

Was a person with a beautiful heart whom with his own mouth said had a heart of gold

He kept going. Saying that when he met me

I wasnt one of those girls who were only pretty on the outside;

But those in which stood out in the crowd and is prettier with her religion

And the way she talked.

Yes, believe it or not. He said i was graceful with the way i talked as the way i looked.

I looked deep into his eyes that day while he explained,

And i fell deeper in love with him since that moment.

Malaysian International Fashion Week '11

2011-11-28T11:26:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, was the last day of a whole week of fun filled fashion and enjoyment. Met all the beautiful models and so designers strut their new collections on catwalks. Luckily for me i had quite a number of special invites for Malaysian international week. So i dragged along a good designer friend of mine along with my other half. Yes! he followed me to all of the shows literally. But as the days got longer; by the end of what seems like an enjoyable week turned out tiresome. So i'll be uploading a few pictures of what went down in Zebra Square for malaysian fashion week 2011. And i swear guys, best show yet. Loves it.

Thank you

2011-10-01T13:37:00.002+08:00

To that someone: thank you for the flowers <3

They are beautiful and they really cheered me up.

So since ive been trying to rush to meet deadlines, i have been in a bit of a pickle trying to finish at least 100 designs, and i've been trying to match up my beads and make skirts and dresses ! luckily i just finished my pencil skirt in which i will be wearing around and strutting ! but ive still got a lot more to go, so wish me luck ! I will be flying off and taking a two week break and just sorting out with my fashion interviews, and when im back i will be finishing my customers wants, so that they'll be happy with what im giving them. Wish me luck and the best for the future. Amin :)

Alhamdulillah

2011-10-01T13:06:00.003+08:00

Its been months since the incident, and Alhamdulillah my life has been slowly regaining its well life. I've been doing things to keep myself occupied. For instance recently ive been admitted to a fashion academy situated in Bukit bintang, where i get lessons on sewing and where by im admitted to awesome fashion shows in few months! which i totally love :).

And with that as well I've been gaining a lot of modelling offers in the Shah Alam region and i have gotten my first customer! who paid a deposit for me to create my own designs. Thank you and come again i'd say. So tonight, ill be heading to australia for a mere 2 weeks to be going on a fashion interview and then ill be returning to Malaysia, to finish my customers demands and to finish my dress for the fashion show this coming December! Wait for it. Its gonna be legendary ! I'll be strutting my designs and myself for the fashion show, so please give meall the support you can !

So last week or was it the week before, i attended MASiF 2011 at KLCC, from 6pm- 11pm which was a fashion show for all the young designers like myself, and got backstage access to meet with the models and help around. Ill be uploading pictures as well so wait for it ! :)

Hanif & I backstage (one of the young designers)

Farid & I ( designers)

Hanim & i ( my best designer friend)

and guess who i bumped into ! yes my model friend. Apparently it was his first time doing a runway, and he was all nervous ! He looked smashing though. So props to him ! :)

Quedate Conmigo

2011-08-23T15:49:00.004+08:00

:means stay with me.

those were the exact words he said to me. don't ever leave me.

i'm finding it way too precious. finally i get to do it right this time.

i don't know in time where this would lead us to,

i'm hoping this would be it. i'm tired of all the backstabbing, cheating, lies.

lies that my ex made up, lies that i had to put up with for four months.

I'm moving, moving to a better person,

who has my feelings as his first priority.

We live our lives not knowing whats our fate;

but honestly i wished from the bottom of my heart Ya Allah.

Let me not meet a heartless man again, Let me not talk of him.

Let me not see him, Let me not be close to him ever again.

I have never cheated in a relationship, so i hope he would not appear

in my life ever again. I'm happy now, i'm happy with you.

You bring smiles to my face, and you make it hard to be far away.

Ya Allah grant my wish for me, Let me be happy this time.

I dont want to see him ever again, Please let me be happy.

With the only person i love.

i love you, silly.

2011-08-20T21:51:00.003+08:00

-things are starting once again.

hearts racing; jealousy running.

nothing beats it :)

I simply cant wait ! I'm heading back to kuala lumpur for a few months. I think ? Ive looked for jobs extensively on the internet but will further things when i am fully there. Its the coming Eid celebrations and i definitely cant wait. Love, love, love. Ill be going out for auditions to be a cover girl, or most likely just a girl in the magazines. lol. or simply trying out for all the broadcasting channels, and going for acting classes. Hopefully my parents would allow since they agreed to let me model for a tudung commercial :) loves. Wish me luck everyone ! Im hoping this time; me and you will last, AQAS :).

Goodbye smile

2011-08-13T00:53:00.002+08:00

Saying Goodbye With a Smile..

This song is dedicated to a guy who has been with me through thick & thin

A relationship in which i held dear to my heart.

Our 2 years of being together, it thought me a lot

and i thank you for every precious memory you have given me

Till' next time old friend :)

i am in love with john west

2011-07-31T00:08:00.002+08:00

So who is John West you may wonder ? Well its the artist that has repeatedly been playing in my car, in my iphone, in my blackberry, on my laptop and in my ear. Constantly. So i fell in love with one of his songs when i heard a cover done by devin shaye of one of his songs called Loved you tonight which is playing on my blog currently, and ever since i heard the song; i became addicted to his melodies. So i youtubed his name and popped out hundres of videos in which he sang songs live in a show or basking, which may i point out; both sound the same. I definitely am in love with Mr. John West. but hes an artist undiscovered by many people so not much people know about him. Ive been sharing his songs on facebook and such, and everyone fell in love with his voice the same wayidid. sexy. So ill be posting up two of his videos in which i particularly liked and i hope you guys enjoy it as well. Its for the heart that flutters; and for me its something that will make you want to have someone special in your life to share it with. For now im just keeping these songs to myself as it brings a smile to my face. His voice is really charming, and the lyrics are just down to earth beautiful. have a listen, you wont regret it at all :)

Slowly regaining

2011-07-27T20:53:00.007+08:00

So im back here in Australia, for a short time whilst seeing the psychologist and im taking a sem off to really just take a break out of things. I just need to get my life back together. Since i only go out twice a week which is to the psychologist thats why you can see me in the above picture looking so stylish. lol. and as you can see and as everyone has pointed out to me; ive lost weight ! yey, i know ive lost tremendous weight during my depression era, which i would say is not all bad cause there is some good that came out of it ! woo hoo loves it. Im slowly regaining my self confidence to go out and have fun you know, but since im not all that perfect now as of yet, i will take my time before i step out onto the outside world again. As you may know my time in australia will not be till forever but just a short while and ill be travelling back and forth and yes ! trying to find a job as well which would be just super duper exciting. I know i have to get a job because i have always wanted an iMac for myself and you know what ever since my depression stages, i havent really done anything for myself. So as a going away party or as a gaining of self confidence party; i would like to work myself off so i can finally get an iMac. I've tried to persuade dad of getting me one, but he doesnt see the point of it. If icant get an iMac then ill try and work for Macbook Pro. I know i bid farewell to perth already, but coming back here was kind of weird. i still have no one to talk to here. I miss my life in kl; so many friends. so much fun. It will only be for a short while, atikah. Till youre cured. Till you are cured..

So here i leave you with an awesome cover of the song slow dancing in a burning room by john mayer sung by devin shaye. He has one gorgeous voice.

what are we all

2011-07-24T11:07:00.004+08:00

So recently my life has been nothing but up's and down's.

Usual confessions of Love from people.

One proposal from a friend who wants me to be his wife

Three 'would you be my girlfriend' this week

And a whole lot of love coming from one guy.

: So let me just say this week hasnt been so terrible, i went to see the psychologist and that helped me a little. From now, i would have to go there 2 times a week be it any day, but i still have to go. for around 4 months. And let me just say those people help. Like ive kept things bottled up for so long that when i met my carer; i just burst out into tears. which is super funny and yet sad at the same time. So the most prominent feature of my life right now, are two things or in fact two guys. One football player and one singer. Yeah, you see when the singer asked me out, i totally did not want to go at all. i have been there, done that. and since my ex is a singer; i dont really want to go there either. So the football player recently confessed and well the singer as well. But who to choose ? i dont want a relationship right now; but i only want to give one guy hope. In other news; im trying to achieve a body like Kim Kardashian. lol. Since the recent weight gains, my D's have become Double D's, and also with the recent lost of weight my stomache is flat. My friends say i look like Kim and my body is like Kim; therefore i should be happy. The football player and the singer thinks so as well, but i dont think its true ! so im still working at my abs, and my cheeks. Only then will my body look like hers. Yey ! Im one step closer to having her magnificent bods. Yum yum !

help me psychologist !

2011-07-19T17:14:00.004+08:00

So, apparently everyone is really concerned about my status. = my health & well-being. I have been depressed for a couple of months now, yet i pretend everything is okay and keep it all bottled up inside that even my counsellors at school thinks im messed up. Even my family and my friends; and well the guy who has a crush on me- ze football player. He tells me that i should forget about him and start anew with him. Which is easier said than done. So everyone has decided that i should concentrate my time fully on things that matter and taking advice and going to a psychologist regularly; which i will be going everyday starting from tomorrow. Weird, i never thought i would stoop this low till now. Yes, my body feels weak. Not trying to sound vain or anything; but even my cousins told me that i have so many fans, and so many people who adore me, but why does my mind only thinks about him ? Funny how life is like that. Well because of my psychotic emotional problems regarding the ex, i am now in need of a psychologist to figure out how my brain works. Its good to finally have someone to talk to. I have kept it in for too long that i cry at random times thinking bout him. Like today in my car ? what was that all about. It has totally affected my studies. therefore i hope a psychologist can cure me from this hell hole. So ive decided im taking time off to think about my physical and mental state right now. Im in no position to get into a relationship right now, let alone be in one and committed. itll just get too complicated. i would just keep thinking of him; which wont help either. so please ms/mrs/mr psychologist; cure me from this pain that im suffering from :(

Life in malaysia & Aqiqah anak saudara

2011-07-18T23:15:00.003+08:00

My life; let me just say is still in depression mood. i have no idea why. 2 months after breaking up, and experiencing love again. my heart is now closed and doing major reconstruction after being hammered at for so many countless times. Yes, i need to move on. See thats the hard bit. i was so used to him being around when i needed him that when he's gone i miss every part of him. Weird arent i ? but oh well. So lately things havent looked up one bit, except a confession from my cousins friend which was a topping on a perfect week for me. Ive met him a couple oftimes, and finally he confessed for having feelings for me. He is a football player who is super tall in which my cousin has been trying to set me up with forEVER! and well lets just say having him confess to me kinda made me feel as if someone still wanted me :) i know hard to believe, but im thankful that someone does want me. So last week i went to my cousins Aqiqah for herniece, and even the guy who has a crush on me was there; he cried when i left which was oh so cute ! Anyways, i bought the perfect dress for the Aqiqah, and showed up all white and gold. and he absolutely loved it which made me feel embarassed and bloat like a pink balloon. i know, i dont receive compliments well. but yeah. but shortly after the aqiqah, my days turned sour again, as life was not all that great you see. but anyways, heres the front and side preview of my dress. That reminds me some people have requested me to do a video on how i did my make up and hijab on that day. so i will soon upload it InysaAllah. :)

farewell

2011-06-23T01:51:00.004+08:00

So my dad finally gave in; and understood me. He was reluctant at first; but seeing as i was depressed for a few weeks now, and crying every night; even he felt bad. I have no shoulder to lean on in perth. No one to tell my feelings or problems to, except myself. I have been keeping it for too long. And somehow i cant bare it anymore. All of my friends have gone back to where they came from, and here i am standing alone in amidst of all these problems. My heart is in pain, and everything i do makes me think of what really happened between us. Pathetic arent i ? To be honest, if i could rewind back time; i would re-do it all over again, and do it right this time. But my time is over, and im dreading all of the mistakes i have made. Im so foolish. Im so so so goddamn foolish..

In a few hours i'll be heading back to kl, and im the only person dragged to be there. I will miss you perth. You've given me great memories in which i shall cherish. Till next time..

If you leave me now..

2011-06-19T20:22:00.004+08:00

Listening to this song made me think about our memories together;

when you came over..

we cooked together.. when we played wii ?

i cant believe my phone still had your photos in them.

to be honest, these past few days, i was always reminded of him.

the day we first met, the present i bought for his birthday without really knowing him.

I saw a guy wearing that red checkered shirt wearing glasses.

I laughed and ended up crying. What happened to us ? what happened to all those precious memories..

I cant stop but think this is all over for us.. :(

Now i know how you felt; when i did the same thing.

My eyes are swollen and red; i havent been eating for a couple of days..

and i cant do this anymore.. i need time off..

Hoping my dad would agree to me;

Everything i see, i do, makes me think of him.

I need to be stronger than this; i just have to :'(

2011-06-18T02:06:00.002+08:00

My heart is too weak,

and i'm vulnerable.

My feelings are starting to grow,

but i dont want to.

How do i make this heart stop ?

: persuading my dad.

so never in the right mind have i ever done this before. but i cant take it. my heart still hurts, and let's just say my sickness isnt curing anytime soon. I have decided to persuade my dad to send me back. for good maybe. I have apparently told him the outline of the story, and now im moving to the bigger picture. He is arriving tomorrow morning which is in a few more hours. And i've decided i dont want to hold back anymore. Neither do i want to stay here anymore. I want to study in kl; be with them constantly and have my cousins beside me as well. i miss them so much, and im persuading my dad to buy me a ticket during this holiday; so i can move as quick as possible. i have sent him an email. hoping he would read it and know how much his daughter is suffering right now. i cant do this, i just cant. so im taking a leap of faith; and hoping my dad would agree to it. i just need them the most.

falling out of love and into love

2011-06-17T19:30:00.004+08:00

and hoping with the faint of heart that i can get through this mess. I'm finally looking up, and i've decided that i needed to move on. Life is filled with hidden treasures and maybe, maybe somewhere out there the perfect guy is waiting for me. I could never move on if i had all of my past holding me back; so ive decided to turn my life around. All the things, and i mean all that was given to me by my ex's, i have gotten rid of. I gave all the things to people who wanted them. Keeping them beside me made me cry. Especially when a few days ago.. i saw a couple walking at bentley holding hands; they looked like they were lost. Funny thing is it reminded me of a similar memory i held dear to my heart. In my car before picking up my friend; i could not stop but think that this is all coming to an end.. And i am not the one in his heart now.

When i was crying in the car; i recorded a voice message; hoping i could post it on my blog. but seeing as he doesnt love me anymore; ive decided to keep it as just memories.. I waited and waited, but not a single voice came out of him.. and i gave up.

Lately, ive been talking to someone; someone that in a way cheered me up when i was crying.. I dont know maybe he is just a fling; and well he's younger than me. but seeing that he is more mature. and want a relationship based on pure love and not lust; i respect him dearly for that..

When those words came out of his mouth; i cried. Finally, a guy who doesnt concentrate on intimacy to love someone. Im getting to know him better day by day; and i admit.. i have started to change my heart towards men. Since its too early, i dont want to rush into things.. but im glad in a way he confessed to me.. Somewhere out there, i have a guy who loves me and wants to be with me; for me. And im starting to hold up my head high back again. the way i used too..

So goodbye my past; ive always cherished and loved the memories all of you have given to me;

but im finally moving on..

you said forever.

2011-06-16T05:20:00.004+08:00

funny; i remember how you used to tell me.

Us. we. forever.

i kept my promise, i came back. what bout' you ?

sometimes..

2011-06-16T05:13:00.002+08:00

Sometimes; Just Sometimes.

lie to me

2011-06-15T16:03:00.006+08:00

I wrote this song its not too long

Cos Ive been thinking bout you
I wrote this song maybe Im wrong
To be caught up about you

Well I dont know what you think bout me
Maybe you think nothing at all
But maybe you could just lie to me
And we could be in love you see

Oh its a singalong song thats not too long
Its when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

I wrote this song its not too long
Cos Im the one who loves you
I wrote this song this cant be wrong
I dont wanna smile without you

Well I just want to make you happy
But maybe you want nothing at all
And how I wish that youre meant to be
Forever and a day with me

Oh its a singalong song thats not too long
Its when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

In everyway you mean more to me
Than youll ever know
Girl Ill do my best to show these words are true
And if youd like to make a song and be a perfect harmony with me
Id find the greatest words sing
So we could write our own romance

it will only be for a while..

2011-06-13T21:44:00.011+08:00

Ketika Allah rindu pada hambanya,

Ia akan mengirimkan sebuah hadiah

istimewa melalui malaikat Jibril yg isinya adalah ujian.

Dalam hadits kudsi Allah berfirman.

"Pergilah pada hambaku lalu timpakanlah berbagai

ujian padanya kerana

Aku ingin mendengar rintihannya."

(HR Thabrani dari Abu Umamah)

: it will only be for a while Atikah; Hang in there

stepping in

2011-06-13T15:28:00.003+08:00

My life lately, i have to admit is quite depressing. My sister is trying to console me in all ways, and even she feels bad for me; she treats me really nice nowadays, and give me hugs when she has never done it before. I miss her, I miss my family. To be honest, i have a holiday now; and i wish i could just take a break from all of this. Just far away from a lot of people. Regarding relationships, i dont think i could do it. Falling in love; being with someone. i just cant hurt my feelings again, so ive decided to quit. You know, my life has been this pool of relationships whereby im constantly in one, and ive never really had the chance to have time for myself. I do admit when a few guys approached me to be their girlfriend; it made me feel better about myself. it made me think that someone actually wanted me in their lives. But seeing as ive been in too many relationships, im giving time for myself. So what if i dont get married by the age that my family does ? so what ?

You know, i have people asking me out, wanting to be my boyfriend; even my exs said they still love me and want me back, but i dont see that going anywhere. What i need right now the most is just my family and concentrate on my studies. Im young and ive got a lot of things going for me. Maybe ive encountered bad relationships for me to learn from them and be a better person; and for me to meet a great guy. Maybe relationships are meant to be filled with suffering at first; and the pure ones come out at the end. Maybe god wanted to test me; by making me go through all of that pain and saving the best for last.

Life is meant to be like this, im sick, and ive done so many things to hurt a lot of people; maybe its just revenge for me treating them like that. i wonder myself to be honest when i will learn to fall in love again. Right now, i just dont want to accept anyone, i dont want to love anyone. i dont want to be anyone; but all i want to do is learn to stand up for myself, learn to be great by myself, learn to love myself. more than anyone else. but Let me just say this; you may be great on this world; you may have your career, and your upbeat life, but when Qiyamah comes; you'll be suffering in the fire. I believe so much in karma; dont do to others what you dont want to be done to yourself; and you've just broke it. Ingat Allah bila kita senang; dan dia akan menolong kita bila kita susah. I wont do anything as a human being, Only Allah will to torture you with the sins you have made. Life might be like this for me now; but i know ill stand greatly on my two feet later. I know i will.

Even if i lose my mind..

2011-05-31T18:37:00.005+08:00

So no this is not me, but a special guy that i absolutely love, Alex Chu!he is coming out with his new album titled "Just Like Me" on June the 2nd,and im super duper excited. Above is the teaser for the song "Even if i lose my mind" which btw, when i heard it , i think that it fits with my situation correctly right now.I've been in love with this guy ever since i heard his first album,i thought that he fit this genre much much better. His voice is just like heaven.
I wonder when will i get a guy like him ?Romantic, kind, down to earth, and most importantly;he will only look at me. Heaven !

A new chapter

2011-05-30T15:56:00.002+08:00

Opening a new chapter in my book;

and wondering what awaits me next ?

It has been 4 days since the incident,

and i'm lost.

I've been very sick lately.

pretending that i'm okay, pretending i'm fine

but i'm not.

how can in a few minutes,

life just deleted everything i owned.

I'm scared to fall again.

I'm scared that if i do, my heart breaks again.

why do i even try ?

Life is not meant for me

I havent eaten for days,

Neither do i feel one bit hungry.

I sit on my bed, from day to night to day again

Hoping that i could catch a break

What is happening to me ?

Im not who i used to be,

and to be honest; i miss the old me :'(

decisions

2011-05-29T19:26:00.005+08:00

I have never been more unsure of myself than i am today. Decisions has to be made, as well as sacrifices. i dont know which and what am i suppose to do. Should i lie to myself to please others ? or should i follow what my heart wants. I haven't told my family yet, because i don't think its necessary unless its needed. I know i've done a lot of things that are terrible, a lot of stupid mistakes, a lot of unforgiven sins. I know.. but maybe i should try setting them straight for once ? I have done a lot of bad things in this world, and i know no one is perfect, but for you to treat me like that. It broke my heart. Even though i did terrible things, i would never go up to that extent. Love isn't love if its done like that.. and i cant lie to myself that it doesn't hurt when it does. I trusted you in a lot of ways and kept your promises as well as mine. Never did i go against them; but to see with my own eyes a person i believed to have the same principles as me to a totally opposite and completely different to the person i knew put me in an awkward yet undescribable position. So today i have decided to set things straight. Not to make people hurt but at the same time being selfish and considering bout myself.

I have done in a million things in which after 4 months i saw. I know it took too long for me to apologize to a certain couple and to a parent; but when i heard the story of someone close to me with their ex and his family; i felt really bad. I didn't want to be someone like that. Someone who constantly fights over a simple dumb matter. I dont care who is right in this situation, but seeing as im younger, and i dont know much about the world compared to them, i'm finally setting things right. Im not expecting anything from this apology in which i'm making soon; but all i know is, it will clear this guilty heart that has been stubborn lately. i should make the first step. i should be the one apologizing. and i am definitely guilty of all accounts. I shouldn't be fighting over a matter like this anymore. Im more matured than this, and to be honest; when i heard the story from someone close to me, i instantly felt terrible. how could i be so stupid. how could i be so oblivious to his family's feelings ? i should not be that way. I should go up and face my fears, and beg for their forgiveness before i move on with my life. only then would my heart be calm.

Atikah, you've done so many stupid things in the past,

Now it's time to fix all of them back up..

Its time to sincerely apologize to each and everyone you have hurt.

Each and every human being you tossed away,

And each one that got hurt by your words.

Its time to repair all of my dues,

And to face my fears. Ya Allah, Please give me strength.

baby, im so lonely

2011-05-28T12:10:00.003+08:00

Even if im with you, my heart feels empty;
i feel so lonely with you around
im just your back up plan.
and to be honest, im worth much more than that

dont cry..

2011-05-27T20:37:00.014+08:00

Love seems to change so easily,
In place of our own greed,
a painful scar is left,
Gotta let you go

I guess I was not really the person for you

I couldn't hold back my stupid heart

Which pained you

Here is the end for the both of us,

And until the world would allow our love then,

It's okay baby please don't cry,

This long journey is about to end.

But someday, we will meet again,

In the next life, we will see each other again

Everyday, we are blinded by our anger,

What we were fighting about every minute,

I cried every night, Baby I cried

All the long nights I stayed up late crying,

I spent them all alone

Baby I cried

Here is the end for the both of us,

And until the world would allow our love then,

It's okay baby please don't cry,

This long journey is about to end.

But someday, we will meet again,

In the next life, we will see each other again

Sometimes, when tears come to me,

I remember our beautiful memories

I hope that you won't be hurt more,

And please don't cry

It's okay baby please don't cry,

This long journey is about to end.

But someday, we will meet again,

In the next life, we will see each other again

It's okay baby please don't cry,

This long journey is about to end.

But someday, we will meet again,

In the next life, we will see each other again

im so so sorry for hurting you. please forgive this stupid heart that pained you. :'( i deserve every single pain i got from leaving you.. im so sorry..

Rejuvenation

2011-05-25T12:16:00.003+08:00

heading out for quiet day at the coffee shops! i cant wait. i will be just drinking my coffee while doing my assignments. i know still stressful, but the ambience and all, just screams out relaxing dont you think ? TEE-HEE. well about that problem i dealt with yesterday, my face is looking up once again. and i literally mean that. If i keep this up and just generate more depression, i might just be on my death bed. so im letting all the problems go for a day of rejuvenating. this is not me ! to wait around, for a problem to be solved; and then later i wait too long, and the problem gets worst. that well... is not me. So today i have decided to become my free spirited self again. I will of course still do my prayers ! and i wont be going out clubbing or anything; but i miss being the old me.

Going shopping, hanging out with friends (in which i wont do) and like today, take a sip of great coffee and just chill. Maybe later on i'll head to the beach for sunset, and stroll along it. I miss me. So Atikah, you're finally getting the break that you have wanted in so long ! Were goinnnnnng out. Sems nearly finisheddddddd, and let me say; it feels like Australia is in the palm of my hands ! hip-hip huraay !

my dream car

2011-04-15T16:08:00.007+08:00

YES, i'm finally revealing to everyone my dream car since ages ! Okay so as you all know i'm a big fan of cars. Compared to my sisters whom do not really care, cars matter a lot to me. At first when we were out searching for the perfect car for me, i opt for a more masculine yet bulky car ) more of in the lines of a mitsubishi. while he opts for a more feminine smaller car, like my sister's Suzuki swift. In which was not to my liking. So after we fought and fought, i had to give in as that is my dads money and therefore i agreed to go with the new model Mazda 2 sedan, in which is my grey baby. yes, even though i don't really favor the car; i'm starting to warm up to it as it have a huuuuuge trunk at the back for when i go on massive shopping sprees in which i absolutely love! but besides that i disagree with my dad's way of thinking which is girls need to conform to having small cars to be feminine. I do not agree at all, because i have a bit of a male blood in which runs through my veins, and i prefer my car having the speed, the looks and of course the built in which makes me feel safe. This means - a Rolls royce phantom or an Audi R8 5.2 FSI Quattro or a hummer or (my favourite) a pink matte Lamborghini Murcielago. That is definitely what i want! but of course, i would have to work super duper hard, and save my money for it. Its been my dream car for ages, so no matter what ! with my hard work and sweat; that baby is going to be mine. You wait and see !

behind the scenes + updates

2011-04-15T14:47:00.006+08:00

So its been quite a few days that my life has been relatively quiet, and just this morning there was a huge ruckus in the house regarding my car. a-huh my car, which has been broken into by evil people who envied my grey beauty parked out front. i hate you people ! Luckily though, Alhamdulillah my car is saved as there was no dents, and there was nothing stolen, therefore lucky me! but i'm scared if they've done things to the car in which my eyes i cant see. So i'm going for a brief test drive in a few minutes to check if my car is still in tip top shape. Even in the day of light, people are thinking of stealing. Its really funny how at this end of age, people are just doing crazy things. I hope they ask for forgiveness before its too late :).

Any who in other news, a few days ago, i think i posted a photo of my house on the outside. So today as i've been couch potato-ing in front of tv lately; my life has not been fun. So this is the only updates i could give in my blog for the time being. Until i head to KL and Europe which will be tonnes of photos updates. i hope you guys enjoy em'.

WARNING: TOO MANY PHOTOS!

Guest room bathroom

dining area

Kitchen & living area

Cinema room

Living room for when the guests come in

Guest rooms for mostly my dad's friends

TV room to watch afternoon TV and Hannah's learning centre

Casual Eating area + Dry kitchen + Wet kitchen (not in picture)

Stairs to go 2nd level ( you can see post its on the stairs- my sisters teaching her daughter)

me and my sisters bathroom not including toilet

shower area in which i sing in it every time

my parents room

My parents bath/shower/spa/toilet

the office room in which most of sister spends her life at

If you go upstairs, 3rd floor, you will see my brothers room which is super duper messy.

CAUTION: these photos do not include my room, my unmarried sisters room, my married sisters room and a few others due to privacy. thanksssssssss xx

places i visit everday

2011-04-13T02:10:00.002+08:00

Infront of my houuuuuuse :) that's my grey baby parked

Coming in.

Stadium & gym at my university @ Curtin

The roads leading to the gym...

The centre of uni.

okaythanksgoodbye !

i am but i'm not

2011-04-11T15:42:00.008+08:00

So in other news, i have never been a fan of pink, never have. In terms of certain aspects i prefer my life not to include the colour 'pink' at all. But in terms of computer accessories and such, i love pink. Being the geeky computer nerd that i am (yes, im really good at computers), i absolutely love gadgets and anything computer related; so therefore i collect them as a hobby ! I LOVE LOVE LOVE new comp gadgets! Be it a USB, or a mouse, or a tablet. Man, i love those things ! So recently i've decided to purchase a really cool pink cover for my Macbook. Yes i know i tend to be girly in those aspects. But let me just say that, that is where my obsession of pink starts and stops.

It only stays in accessories; never in other areas. So i i bought it a couple of weeks ago and i just received it early this morning. Which i was super duper excited, but the problem was i couldn't get it to fit; so while i cant get the cover the fit; i myself was having a huge fit. Apparently the seller had it to the wrong size but it was just a teeny- bigger than my Macbook which thank god, i got it to stick on, i worry though it'll come off if i'm too rough. This means i need to get me a new computer bag, ASAP! More money wasted -_____- hmph.

that woman

2011-04-09T22:37:00.012+08:00

So lately i've been super-duper in love with this song, its called that man. and it has two version, from a guy's view and a girls. So basically this song is from a movie, and i love what the meaning holds. It basically tells a story of a guy who loves a girl but she doesn't see it, and vice versa for the girls version. It is a song that brings tears to my eyes constantly.

So this is the lyrics for 'that woman' and the translation.

한 여자가 그대를 사랑합니다 그 여자는 열심히 사랑합니다
매일 그림자처럼 그대를 따라다니며 그 여자는 웃으며 울고있어요
얼마나 얼마나 더 너를 이렇게 바라만 보며 혼자
이 바람같은 사랑 이 거지같은 사랑 계속해야 니가 나를 사랑 하겠니
조금만 가까이 와 조금만 한발 다가가면 두 발 도망가는
널 사랑하는 난 지금도 옆에 있어 그 여잔 웁니다
그 여자는 성격이 소심합니다 그래서 웃는 법을 배웠답니다
친한 친구에게도 못하는 얘기가 많은 그 여자의 마음은 눈물투성이
그래서 그 여자는 그댈 널 사랑 했데요 똑같아서
또 하나같은 바보 또 하나같은 바보 한번 나를 안아주고 가면 안되요
난 사랑받고 싶어 그대여 매일 속으로만 가슴 속으로만 소리를 지르며
그 여자는 오늘도 그 옆에 있데요
그 여자가 나라는 걸 아나요 알면서도 이러는 건 아니죠
모를꺼야 그댄 바보니까
얼마나 얼마나 더 너를 이렇게 바라만 보며 혼자
이 바람같은 사랑 이 거지같은 사랑 계속해야 니가 나를 사랑 하겠니
조금만 가까이 와 조금만 한발 다가가면 두 발 도망가는
널 사랑하는 난 지금도 옆에 있어 그 여잔 웁니다

A woman loves you.

The woman loves you wholeheartedly.
She follows you around like a shadow every day.
She smiles but is actually crying.

How much longer do I just have to look at you, alone.
This love that came like wind,
This love that is like a lie,
If I continue this, will you love me?

Just come a little nearer
just a little bit.
Please don’t step back
I, the one who loves you,
is still next to you.
That woman is crying.

That woman is very shy
So she learnt how to smile
Her heart is so full of tear,
She can't even share her story with
her best friend

That's why, that woman
loved you
Cause you were so like her
another fool.
yet another fool
Please give me a hug before you leave me

I want to be loved, dear.
That's all I wanted
She shouts, just in her heart
just in her heart.
No one can hear her
but that woman is still next you

Do you know that
I am that woman?

You don't do you?
Because you are just a fool.
how much
how much longer
Do I have to love you like this

This love that is like a fool
This love that is like a lie
would you love me?
That woman, who loves you
is still next you

So the guy version plays automatically on my blog named "that man"

and here's the link for >> Click here>> 'that woman' <<Click here<<

im addicted.

2011-04-07T15:07:00.003+08:00

Thank you Dian + Tito for spreading your video online and also thank you to them, for making me addicted to a song called "Barakallahu Lakuma" by Maher Zain. yes i watched that video about 10 times, and now the song is stuck in my head a gazillion times. OH THANK YOU. after i wake up i sing it, in the shower i'm singing it, while i'm eating i sing it, while i watch tele i'm singing it, while in designing i'm singing it; while i'm in the women's room (i'm not singing it), in front of the computer i'm singing it, AND before i go to bed. Its like a repetition up in my head. go figure. So because of that song, i actually bought the whole album on itunes. Yes silly me. But now i'm addicted to all of the songs. Don't be surprised if i become all islamic and speak arab the next time you see me. Haha.

So last night i did some searching on him, and found a lot of interesting facts about him, In fact i found out his life was practically like my boyfriends. Even he said it was similar. So Maher Zain is this swedish music producer of a Labanese origin, and he produces songs for Lady gaga, Enrique Iglesias, Kat deLuna, Akon, late michael jackson and a couple of others which i cant really remember, but he was never really satisfied with it, “I loved the music but I hated everything that surrounded it, it always felt like something wasn’t right”.

After he moved to New York he gained fame, but it was somehow far from heart, and he got lost in the wrong path. AND THEN, he met his current wife which brought him to where he is now. He started singing songs about how much he was thankful to Allah, and decided that all of his songs should be written towards it. Which i thought was really moving. He married his wife and recently they had a child! SO CUTE! He also made a song which is titled "For the rest of my life" dedicated to his wife thanking her for guiding him to the right path, and that he promises to be by her side till death - so cute right ?

So while i was reading his biography to my boyfriend, he was like hey ! his life is pretty much like mine. And i thought to myself, oh yeah ! he is like you a bit. After that my boyfriend said the sweetest thing to me which is that he doesn't know what to do without me and that he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else for the rest of his life. Triple AWH'S PLEASE!

summary

2011-04-05T23:12:00.008+08:00

So today im not really in the mood for words, all i can give you are photos.

I have kept them for quite a while, and this was my days work,

i can tell you not much is fun in my life.

So funny thing was, i had wi-fi in the car, well it picked up wifi from curtin,

And what i did was browsed facebook;

and listened to my boyfriends songs while updating our secret journal

in which were going to give to each other soon-ish.

haha, and since i missed him, my wallpaper is his place :)

I first listened to the songs on my mac and opted for one of hayad's song, which is janji.

Since it was not on the album i listened to it first whilst writing in my boyfriend's diary

i dont know whether he feels the same way,

but i really miss him. we have been separated for a month and a half

and only our voices keep each other company.

and yes, i'm definitely addicted. except i kinda dont like the rapping part.

well, a while ago before i left my boyfriend gave me his cd,

so i could listen to it in the car, and OH BOY! DID I!

its on repeat like a billion times :)

I kinda read back what he wrote on the cover, and i really miss him,

i remember the times when we used to go out together

it was so much fun :( i wish i could go back soon

the pressure of being apart as a couple is really killing me

Dear baby, this is a preview of the journal you gave me to write on. its nearly finished

and its filled with all of my feelings for you.

I'll give it to you soon okay ?

I just wanted you to know, that all of the things in here,

are my sincere feelings for you :)

Inspirational

2011-04-05T21:04:00.002+08:00

Definitely one of a kind.

...

2011-04-04T18:35:00.002+08:00

I dont wanna lose you,
I dont wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I dont wanna hate you
I dont wanna take you
But I dont wanna be the one to cry
That dont really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Tuhan yang maha kuasa

2011-04-04T14:33:00.004+08:00

Ya Allah, Please let me get better,

It's tiring, and i cant take it at times..

Sometimes, i think bout taking my life away.

But then again i know its stupid..

Ya Allah, i havent asked you for anything in a while,

I'm so tired of being sick.

And i'm so tired of the sleepless nights

Please Ya Allah, help me get better

Why cant they ever be satisfied ?

2011-04-04T03:13:00.007+08:00

So why cant humans be satisfied with what they have? and yes i've heard of the term that humans can never be satisfied, theres always a want and a need but i'm not really talking about it in a broad aspect but rather i'm narrowing it to personal relationships. See a lot of people around me i know complain about a lot of things. In relationship terms; they wished they had a hotter gf who understands them better, some wish for a bf/gf cause they don't have any but when they do they dont appreciate it, and some others are just plain right disgusting. For instance husbands who have hot wives, but still want stripper like gf's to provide for their sexual dreams and desires (*ehem* tiger woods, you know i'm talking bout you), and therefore with this comes cheating. See this is the funny fact about human beings like these, they like to have girlfriends but they don't like to boast it, as it is seen as disgraceful in thepublic eye, its the same thing as plastic surgery you know. Why admit you're a natural beauty when you're not and just admit that you had things done to suit to your eyes what your perception of beauty is.

But i just don't get it. You might think i'm an amateur in this area because of the fact that i have no such experience in this matter, right ? WRONG! in fact i have had a ton of these situations happening to people who are close to me and to me as well by my ex boyfriends . So i know what i'm talking about. You see human beings are given the ability to talk, walk, speak, love yet they are still not satisfied, so they opt for companionship in which comes from getting that special other.

See i know a lot of couples whom the guy wants the girl so badly that he tries and flirt with her so hard, but then when he does get the girl he sneakily cheats behind her back. Texting with other women, calling them at nights or simply sleeping with the other gender. Why so ? So this is what i'm trying to figure out with most men around my life. In my instance, why do males always cheat on their gf's or wives, with someone who looked like she came out of a porn catalogue ? (excuse my language) but till this day i wonder.

See a lot of things have happened in my life, some in which i'm not proud of at all, but i bare with. i also believe in karma (don't do to others what you don't like to be done to yourselves). We should appreciate things around us and not take other people for granted and don't treat their hearts as toys to play with and stop complaining that your life isn't perfect because there are tonnes more out there, whom do not have a home, who do not have legs, and don't have the ability to speak or hear anything. Be grateful for what we have, and take my advice; cherish the other person in your life because you might regret it later on when they leave you.

last seperation

2011-04-02T22:16:00.021+08:00

No, not for me and my boyfriend; but rather a certain couple in which i have followed their footsteps since the very beginning to the end of their journey. As you all know, im a big fan of anything super-duper romantic, and i would watch all these sappy love stories and reality shows and would actually fall for it. Yes, i know i'm weird but lately i've been following this

couple, in this reality tv show called "We got married". See i've been following this show for quite some time already since it first started, from season 1 to season 2. Quite a while ago, i think i wrote about Alex chu and Shin ae, being a couple i most adored for their romantic values, and appreciation towards each other. Yes, i definitely love romantic stories. Therefore im always watching them. Call me hopeless romantic but its something in which i adore, and i wish to be the same way with my future husband, InsyaAllah.

So after season 2

was released they came out with all the brand new couples in which i have never really known till i've watched them. So let me brief you on the story; We got married is a reality show where they take current celebrities in korea, and put them and match them together as a couple. This means for a period of time they are forced to act like a married couple, and with this they show what the couples do everyday. They are given a mission in each episode to complete ( this can really mean anything; from making a song together, or simply providing each other with happiness). So with the opening of season 2, i was particularly interested in one couple, in which i have been eyeing my eye on. Even though their young, i could definitely feel there was something there.

The guy even wrote 2 songs for her, whilst they were together expressing his love for her. And in which one of the songs is played automatically right now in my blog. im obsessive, i know. haha. So you guys might wonder, why on earth am i writing all of this right ? Well, simply because.. Tonight was their last night filming in which means that the couple is coming to an end due to their busy schedules as celebrities.

My thoughts on the last episode was that i wished they could be more intimate, there was a lot of those scenes lacking, like they've been on the show together a year, but they don't even give each other hugs. Only on the last few seconds of the show, so i was a tad bit dissapointed. But i do miss this couple. As they were expressing their last thoughts, i cried to myself thinking these two are meant for each other; why stop it there? yes, i know. i did this with alex chu and shin ae also. They turned out to be a bust, cause she got married and he too is getting married. why is the world so unfair at times ? why cant two souls in love be with each other.. Its not too much to ask for is it ?

Anyways, If you guys want to find out what im rambling about in this post, do check out their videos. It is really entertaining and down to earth romantic, AND YES ! i cried tonnes. Im a human being with needs, and when i see people in love and they cant get together. i cry. im soft hearted. get over it.

Yonghwa & Seohyun's Love

Alex & Shin Ae's Love

next step.

2011-03-31T02:59:00.003+08:00

So its been 2 months and 3 quarters we've been together; and we've taken the next step which is deciding about marriage, and fully getting to know each other and understanding each other.

These couple of days, we've finally hit the next part of our relationship, which we found not every part of a relationship is easy and blissful but of course we as individuals and couples have our own thoughts, and therefore sometimes we do fight. So whats the right thing to do ? Well, as couples and as lovers, we should learn to accept and forgive the mistakes that both of us have done.

I've also learnt that both of us shouldn't make decisions based on emotional feelings at the current state in which if there was a heated argument; it could in turn result in a catastrophe. So how do we control ourselves ? Well i haven't really figured it out yet, as i'm still learning, and my process of learning isn't over yet. Maybe things change and both of us open up more to each other, so we get to see sides that we've never seen of the other before until now. But; Love isn't love if you're not accepting of the other right ? both of us should change for the better.

Can i tell you the truth though ? If its like this, i don't want to fight ever again. Its painful..

good feeling

2011-03-25T22:43:00.003+08:00

It's the best feeling, when your mom wears a present given to her

by your future husband and her future son in law (InsyaAllah)

studies

2011-03-25T19:44:00.003+08:00

So a while back, a couple of years ago; i wrote a post regarding how much i hated going to class and studying and till this day; i would have to say my thoughts on it are still the same. Listen to what i've got to say first, and maybe you can give me your opinion towards my way of thinking. See i'm the type of girl or human being that prefers going out to do work rather than staying and studying in. So i'm currently in 2nd year of my degree in Curtin University, and see for the past couple of years, i have never liked the idea of studying. Its not because i'm lazy or anything like that, but it was never what i wanted, and i had no interests as such to continue on further. I know i'm always constantly doing it because my father told me too, but i've come to realize that human beings cant be forced to like something they don't love doing. And well right now, its the same case for me. Im studying media second year, but i don't know whether i have full interest in the subject.

See everyone my age, has their head together. they know what they want to do, they know what they have to achieve; yet here i am, figuring what next step should i take. Im absolutely clueless about everything. See a while back i told my father that i hated studying, but he chose not to accept it, thinking that i was the same as the others who were always smart, who scored straight A's. Well... i was never like that. I was the only odd one out in this family. I always wanted something different. I was always doodling when everyone was studying, and if i scored or failed, i had no feeling towards it at all. I really wish my father could understand and see me for the way i am and accept it. these things have never interest me, but why force it on me? sometimes i wished that my dad could be happy and accept me for the way i am. Of course i can do it, and i can pass it; but its just that i have a lack of motivation for things that i don't love doing.. i wish he could see it, i really wish he could :'(...

the beginning

2011-03-23T17:17:00.007+08:00

Marriage, and our plans;

BIG NEWS, BIG NEWS.

Our plans have gone through, and i'm finally getting married. Well not now but maybe end of next year, and my father has finally given the green light. So what happened last night literally shocked me, because this is the first time he has ever done such a thing. At around 11.15pm last night he sent me a super-duper long email via hotmail stating the fact that he has met Rafiq, and thought that he is a; i quote "sincere guy", so and then he went on about how happy is he for me, and how much he supports us being together. So and then he talks about the fact that, he would like it if our relationship is based on islamic values. You understand right ? the basics i guess; until marriage. In which Rafiq understood. So the thing that shocked me was the fact that he sent me that email, containing things i should do in the near future, so for instance i'm supposed to learn how to cook Malaysian dishes and like get skinnier for my wedding!

Yes, my wedding. OMG, i literally screamed. this is unbelievable. He went on saying, at the end of next year, you're getting married, and finishing your studies, so i want you to do really well, and then after you're done, we'll go ahead with your wedding. In fact, he even called my sister to make sure that i am fully equipped for my marriage next year. So, this means he made sure my sister taught me how to cook malay dishes, and of course he talked about fitting into the wedding dress that i've dreamed of. I know this may be a bit sudden, but i'm so excited i feel like telling the world. Yes, i know i'm still young and theres about a year and a half to go till then, but i cant help myself thinking that i'm already engaged to this guy. call me the hopeless romantic, but i love him so much. and my heart is literally screaming from yesterday till now. OMG OMG OMG OMG, i'm getting married next year.

I to be honest do not know what he's thinking bout right now about this whole thing, but i'm super excited. I cant believe how supportive my dad was in this whole thing. He said he was happy for the both of us. So both sides now do 100% agree; so now its up to us. Next year isnt that long to go baby; were finally doing this :)

Baby if you can see this; know that in my heart i will always love you. My hands are literally shaking while i'm writing this. i cant believe it baby, we're getting married soon. Next year will come very quickly, so we should work hard to achieve everything we can during the extra time we have right now okay ?

Ya Allah Ya Tuhan ku, Please bless our intentions and this marriage, give us the power to encounter all the problems we'll face later on, and please Ya Allah, please give us your full blessings. Amin'

another dream of mine

2011-03-22T15:22:00.014+08:00

Craving for some seriously good coffee and some peace and quiet. Home has been hectic lately, theres always screaming and crying and of course the fights in which we tend to have now and then between family. But besides all of that im still and still am craving for some good coffee with a great ambience, so that i can fully relax and just read a book or two.

So its been quite a while since i've kinda had this plan in my head of owning a coffee shop. Yes, i know malaysia and australia dont really have the coffee culture for my business to really boom, but i really want to have a place whereby people could relax; not just because of the coffee, but for the ambience, cakes, teas and well any beverages. Malaysia has an abundance of typical coffee shops like Starbucks and coffee bean, but they are all imported, and cause great dents to all of our purses and wallets. So since i haven't found a great coffee place yet in Malaysia, i'm thinking of opening one and creating a coffee culture amongst us malaysians who don't adore coffee. My dad is a big fan of coffee and so is most men i know, therefore why not target those whom do love it right ? I hope one day, i will be able to see this plan through. why not mix fashion and coffee together right ?

So why the sudden crave for coffee ? well, in my whole family, everyone tends to hate coffee; except my dad and i, we are the only ones that tend to appreciate the taste. Of course my dad

more than me, but lately i've been drinking a lot of flavoured drinks, and tea. which is good and all but i miss the old fashioned coffee. I had a talk with my boyfriend about places where theres good coffee, and a great ambience; and he said well its very scarce in Malaysia to find one except the usual typical ones and well there's the warung's in Malaysia but those aren't what you call great ambiences. So owning a coffee shop is now definitely in one of my things to do when im successful. hopefully. InsyaAllah.

Well today, i woke up with a massive stomach ache; and i do not need to explain more, hehe. But all day long today, its been quiet. I skipped my class, as i was having a flu; and yes its that time of the month. Im spending time with my boyfriend over the phone. While i write this blog on how much im craving for coffee, he is strumming his guitar whilst singing. Ah~ this is definitely the life. i could do this more often. i haven't felt this relaxed in a while. So that's it for now. Im going to spend quality time with my boyfriend, and let's call it a day.

Love, Atikah xx

Take me with you.. (please).

2011-03-21T22:45:00.005+08:00

Allah has finally given the break i have requested in a while. Fights after fights, we are simply having a break now, and were enjoying our peace and quiet. I've missed this, boyfriend. maybe we should do this everyday ? i don't like the bickering in which comes within relationship. Well you see me and ze new boyfriend, we don't fight as much, but i tend to just cry, and he just tends to cry. So rather than a fighting session, we turn it into a crying session. I prefer it better actually. It makes it feel different to other relationships. It bring something fresh to the table. So with what happened yesterday, i've learned to accept his past and everything that comes with him. I'm going to encounter a lot of these in the future i'm sure; but he's a performer, and i've said i would support him fully. so i have to be a girlfriend who keeps my word. sorry for crying on you last night baby. If you could see this, forgive me, because i love you. just that things like that are hard to forget. its your past, and i should learn to love you for your present and future :) so as of now, i will take on a new challenge! a challenge of loving and keeping the love of my boyfriend and i; even though he has tonnes of female fans and even though he has his past. i'd love him throughout :)

so Mr. Boyfriend is having a brief show and concert on the 25th and on the 13th of next month which falls on our anniversary date. I don't know why, but he always has a show on our anniversary, i'm hoping that at least one anniversary in this whole year i would have him to myself then i'd be super duper happy. and I wish i could go to all those places with him, see him perform, and fall in love all over again. Baby, i miss you. So take me with you to all those places someday ? okay ? take me to all of them. :)

On another side note; boyfriend and i were talking bout the topic of Qiyamah (which is in another word for doomsday). Thinking bout the day itself is giving me goosebumps. As we list down the signs of Qiyamah; i realized there is only some that hasn't gone through and it is only a few; this made me question about where i stand in my life right now. I haven't even done half of the things i wanted to do. Like complete hajj, and pay my parents back what they've given me. Also on another side note; i haven't gotten married yet. (which is btw, has been my dream since i was a child. YES ! My dream, laugh at it all you want) and i haven't been able to become a mother yet to my own offspring (also a dream of mine). I hope Allah can hear my doa and InsyaAllah i may still have time to complete all of my life long dreams. Im hoping this is it, and im hoping it is with you. So to all of you Muslim brothers and sisters out there, repent and worship Allah, and beg for his forgiveness; because that is the best thing anyone could ever do, and you'll never regret it.

Assalamualaikum,

Love, Atikah :)

Happy monday everyone :)

are we already going through this ?

2011-03-21T01:21:00.004+08:00

its the first time in weeks since this happened. This week has been terrible for me, a lot of things have happened and i'm still unsure of what is about to become of my relationship with him. Only this afternoon was i up writing about how much i love him and care for him. but now i sit here wondering, did we do it right this time ? Only this afternoon was i up writing a post to Allah granting me a wish of marriage, and tonight i saw what may become a problem for us. Past is past and i do get it, and i do understand it. but my heart is in pain after what i saw. I know im still a child and the way i'm accepting it is rather immature, but i have no one else togo to, then this silly old blog. i missed it back then, when i knew nothing of him, and he knew nothing of me. All we know was that we loved each other deeply. but right now things are getting too complicated. i found something i shouldn't have and saw something i didn't want to see. so what was it ? well its up to your imagination. Upon seeing it i cried to myself, seeing the person i love being intimate with another girl. this reminds me ages ago of a video an ex of mine had with him in it.

Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku,

do i have to face it all over again ?

i have gone through enough pain and torture,

please Ya Allah, please make this easy for me.

So what was i suppose to do ? i love him, and well, if i love him enough i should learn to accept it right ? but what if my heart is too weak right now ? too fragile to understand. if i could erase all of his past. i would; but im not god. neither am i great at doing anything. People say that we just move on forward and not reminisce at the past. but i cant help it, seeing those things brings a tear to my eye. i want this to work out, but why do i keep bumping into minor problems that i do not want to encounter. is Allah testing me again ? please Ya Allah, make my life easy. Please :'(

another day, another alex story

2011-03-20T21:46:00.004+08:00

So who is this chiseled, rugged man that you see on your far right corner with a one button opened shirt and sitting on top of a gorgeous bed (yes, that bed is gorgeous because he is sitting on it). Well let me introduce all of you to Mr. All around perfect guy who in my eyes do not have any imperfections at all. Yet i am still trying to find one though. So i think i have written about him a couple of years back when i was 'oh so very active' in this whole blogging thing. Well i know now, not as much anymore, but i think i've made introductions about this 'UMPH, i'd tap that' kind off guy. His name is Alex chu, and yes he is about the most gorgeous guy that has ever walked this planet. Why do i say so ?

Well, if you look at his face, you'd say "ah, he's so typical asian, right?" but he's not! and i do not appreciate racist comments on my blog! but i do not look at him based on looks. Of course he has the six packs, the bulging biceps, the incredible sexy jawline that makes you want to faint and the outstanding pacs, but that is not all this guy beholds. you might wonder how does he relate to this blog; well simple: He released an album quite a few years ago, titled My Vintage Romance, and yes in which i listen to religiously, but this guy has a voice that any girl dreams of. he can make me fall in love in a second by opening his mouth. Also like the genre of music he sings and the lyrics in which he made. He is the all around romantic + perfect guy. And yes, im in love with romantic men, as i like to be treated the same way i give them you know. So far im deeply and madly in love with a guy name Rafiq, and so far he fits in the bill as being romantic, as for the others (hehehehehe) im sure well work on it together kan sayang ? you dont need to be bulging for me to see you. the fact that your romantic and appreciate me, thats good enough for me.

so back to this Alex guy, i found out from my oh so sweet boyfriend, that he is getting married ! YES LADIES, MARRIED ! the man in which ive dreamed of all this while, has found his soulmate in life, and they're getting hitched. All the best to the couple! Hoping your days ahead would be bliss. Lucky her, you cant get anyone better than that. he sings, plays piano, hes down to earth, romantic, and is he is the most perfect guy anyone could imagine. I really envy her, but oh well. i love my boyfriend right now, and i hope sooner or later down this road, we'd have marriage as the next step in life. Love you Honey XX

Marriage anyone ?

2011-03-20T16:02:00.003+08:00

Marriage ?

Why did i come up with such topic i wonder.

Well since recent events have occurred, it led me to this particular question. the question of marriage. Yes, i have only been with ze current boyfriend a couple of months, and yes, i'm already deciding of marriage even if its too early. but why ? what makes me so confident in my choices. Well firstly theres no backing out now as i've told my dad bout him, and they're finally meeting. After 2 months close to three of us being together, we're finally taking the next step which is bringing him to see my father to make future arrangements and plans. Hopefully everything falls in place. You see things didn't work out with my ex due to various reasons, bad things happened, his family didn't really like me, and well they weren't happy, i wasn't happy. nuff said. and i realized it and took a step forward and let it all pass by. So i guess you're wondering what happened with the current one ? Well i met his family earlier on, during our "still getting to know" stages. They were very nice people. too friendly in fact, that it made me feel so welcomed and loved. Even though i didn't get a chance to talk to them for long. it was really fun to have them around and when i had the chance, got to know them a little better. they were a bit like my family, which made me feel as if i fit right in. When things happen to fit in place, i become really happy.

Dear Allah,

i really really like him,

so if you hear me out right now,

it would be really good.

He respects me and doesnt take our love for granted

he also makes me feel all tingly inside

i really really love him Ya Allah,

so if could listen to me now,

please, pretty pretty please,

make him mine forever..

and ill be the happiest girl on earth :) Amin

Nowadays, i have him in my head, 24-7. Im always wondering what is he doing, what is he thinking about, has he eaten, has he prayed. hmph. i dont know what's wrong with me but i think the "i miss him a lot im about to die" syndrome is coming back. and he doesnt even know what damage he is doing to my heart. so what now ? well to be honest im tired of looking for love. tired of changing, tired of all the constant bickering. And if i could have it Ya Allah, please let this be an easy yet fun and thrilling relationship for us. I want it to last forever, not a short one like the previous ones. but a super-duper long one, that can bring us to marriage, kids, grandkids, and hopefully a long and sweet memory-filled journey with him. please please please, if you could listen to it right now; grant my doa for me.

Love,

Atikah Fazillah

love on hold

2011-03-20T01:20:00.003+08:00

Miles Apart..

1.21am and i'm up writing a post in this blog in which i have left untouched for so long. i've missed you friend. you were the only one i could depend on when there was no one to express my feelings to, or no one to listen to my boorish love stories. i guess not much has happened since my last days of quitting this blog. but right now, out of no where, i'm here again expressing my feelings for yet another soul in my life, who has come out of the blue and into my heart.

current mood: definitely in love

so why am i up suddenly talking bout my new bf, when i haven't even said a thing bout my ex in this blog ? well, that is a past i don't really want to remember neither do i want to share. Whats past is past, and it should only be kept in the heart. When we break up with one, we shouldn't be frustrated with god for doing it to us, but think of it as opening a new gate to something better in your life. We are not fated to end up with that person, so why cry over it ?

To this day, i thank god in all of my prayers, for bringing me an angel in my eyes. I don't know why i feel this way, but i'm really happy with him right now. im not boasting or anything but im content with him, and that even though were far apart, i know we're still deeply madly in love with each other.

current mood right now ? : excited !

my boyfriend is meeting my father tomorrow, for the first time, and i'm thrilled for him to meet my father. i don't know how i did it, but the fact that i've faced all of my fears and went ahead and told my father about him was a miracle. i couldn't believe that i did it, but after i did i felt the biggest relief anyone could have ever felt. it felt so good letting it out of my chest. Even though we've only been together for a short period of time, i'm hoping this is it. with him. he really takes his time to understand me, and the fact that i've finally found someone so down to earth, so romantic yet so funny, i'm really really happy. Is it too much to ask for if i said that i wanted to get married to him now ? i love everything about him, including his family. Everything seems to fit in place; like the heavens wanted it to happen this way.

I dont know whether you feel the same way as i do baby,

but sincerely i really love you,

and if you did read this,

know that in my heart,

there will be no one else; BUT YOU...

사랑해

2011-03-20T00:38:00.014+08:00

Rafiq Abu Bakar

"For me you are THE ONE,

and the rest is just the rest..."

my sorrow, my pain

2009-04-28T03:30:00.002+08:00

monday pass by like any other day ,

felt a bit gloomy and well undescribable.

you know the feeling you have inside of you,

the feeling of just being with someone,

spending time with that person,

calling them to see whether they are all well or not..

saying to them i love you at nights,

and wished every second that deep inside you heart,

eventhough you deny it , that they were there that very second.

not to make love to them,

not to make things complicated,

but just to have them beside you comforting you through tough times,

and to have those misses in which you're dying for.

i know some of my friends act so tough outside,

but inside they' are fragile.

that they lie about being great,

when i know deep inside that they are crying of heartbreak,

that they just wished they could have someone,

to listen to their problems, their cries, their sorrow..

i am one of those people,

i may be tough outside, but inside im fragile too

sometimes i give advise to people,

but i myself cant control the feelings in which i have..

there are things in life in which i just felt that,

wouldnt it be great if there was someone to share it with,

or someone you could tell,

and they shared the same love and pain you went through

i just felt that if i had another chance..

i wished i didnt take things so lightly back then,

because i realize the hearts in which i brake can never be fixed,

berlari jauh

2009-04-26T01:03:00.003+08:00

was chatting to a friend just now, and we were practically sharing what had happed to our lives lately, and well there was a lot of bitching and a lot of gossiping and story telling, but when it comes to a certain topic of "love", my friend kinda paused and said it was all bullshit, and well you can tell something was wrong with her boyfriend and her. I asked but i was kinda scared to go any frther than that because she was in a bad mood. So apparently she told me the whole story. I was firstly suprised ? that her boyfriend left her without saying anything ?

next thing she knew, she saw his new girlfriends picture on his page ? and he didnt even tell her he wanted to break up. I know her really well, and shes pretty decent, but to leave her just like that, that guys must be a egoastic bastard !, well comforted her and all, and after that she asked me what would i do in her position ?

and i really didnt know, what if he was mine, and he ran away ..

i really didnt know what to say to her. i have never been close to that kind off thing before.

and to be honest im scared. what if.. what if.. it actually happens to me ?

if i could tell you once or twice.

2009-04-21T00:16:00.003+08:00

this is a poem i wrote whilst i was in yana's house this morning :

it was something i thought of, due to my a past situation whereby i wanted to tell someone i actually liked him. Of course it didnt work out, cause i found out, he liked another girl

here it goes:

If i could tell you once or twice,

i would say it again,

because my love for you,

is not a mere coincidence but one that has significance.

If i could tell you once or twice,

there would be a third,

because telling you i love you is never absurd.

If i could tell you once or twice,

on how much i love you,

i would say let's get married and live together my dear,

forever and through .

autumn dikir barat

2009-04-20T04:33:00.003+08:00

believe it or not, gambar ni was taken when all of us were about to do dikir barat.

haha. cacat kan ? my days of easter break was spent like this. with my friends, going to various places every hour of every day. i do admit im going to miss the times we spent together as a group. wlaupun gambar ni takde most of the people, but its great as it is. School is starting today, and i still havent gone to bed, its nearly 5am. and i dont want this day to end. what will it be like continuing my studies? im not really looking forward to it to be honest.

Going through easter break, i made new friends, learn more about the ones i already know, and began to fall in love with each and every one of them as an individual. missing the times in which i could hang out with them again. So if you guys baca ni, jum main futsal jum, takpun karaoke, or chill out dekat out closest type of mamak, makan - makan :P

if i had a wish ? i'd definitely wish more holidays and more time to spend with my buddies :)

so i write..

2009-04-20T03:57:00.004+08:00

its exactly 3:58am. this post is actually meant for a friend of mine, sbb die sruh update i nye blog. what happened to my blog being only about love ? haha :), dah tukar kot. O_o

i was writing lyrics again today, and writing it in my diary.

i missed those times, when after every date, i would write things down on my diary,

and i remember those times whereby i felt so in love with them,

that i could write tonnes of things about them. i actually missed those times,

but i guess im loving it how im practically not with anyone except my group of friends whom i love so very much.

so here goes another poem i created especially for today:

From the first step i took after releasing a loved one,

i felt lost, insecure and needed someone to be beside me,

i felt as if i need to desperately seek a certain someone,

and that i needed company,

but i realised after days have gone by and summers started to turn into winter

that the people whom i needed most, were always beside me and helping me throughout danger.

they made my sour autumns turn into beautiful winters.

made my tears into smiles, and made my life normal back again.

to my friends and family, i love you guys more than anything :)

traces left behind.

2009-03-19T01:58:00.002+09:00

Lately i have been thinking about someone.
Everything i touched, see, talked about led me closer to our past memories.
I dont really know what's going on.
But i think im missing the times i spent together with him.
Eventhough it was just for a while, i remembered the fun times i had with him.
and i remembered it clearly with pictures running through my head.
I really miss him. i really do. i miss just hanging out with him on the phone.
and going dating and shopping together.

Eventhough it was just for a while.
Eventhough it came and went.
My feelings towards him can never change.

My life now seems about as empty as it feels. Im not looking for anyone,
neither do i want to be found by a handsome prince.

I dont really believe in fairy tales or love at first sight.
I am hoping that this is the year whereby i just let go of everything i felt necessary
and just enjoyed life like im supposed too. It seems a bit hard nowadays, thinking about him
made me my tears fall down my cheeks, made my eyes red and soar, and left my heart in pain.

I really miss you, i really do. I know that you might already moved on.
But somehow my feelings towards you will stay the same.
I tried to change it, i tried to think of others.
you seem to be the first one that pops up in my head.
Eventhough i have gone and passed on pretending everything was okay,
deep down inside i was crying of heartbreak..
I wish you could feel what i felt. because its tearing me apart..

love you more than yesterday; but less than tomorrow

2009-02-19T12:11:00.006+09:00

Today marks a day whereby i had to continuously clean and clean my whole room and the whole house. and to be honest my back hurts a lot, plus my whole room has been feng shued, because i got bored of how it looked before. haha. i get bored with everything so fast dont i? lol. anywhos as i was cleaning my stuff i found a lot of my previous love letters and poems in which me and my ex'es sent to each other. and yes i know jiwang stuff kan? tak pun pape je, sebab kiteorg mmg tinggal in a modern age whereby everything is done on the internet or through the phone kan? but i like to think otherwise. Sending letters to the one you love always gives an extra romantic feel to it, plus bila you wait for the letter to come, you kind off feel anxious and when it has arrived you love every moment of it and appreciate things much more that way. haha :D. which im going off topic now.
okay, back to where i was, i found one thatwas very romantic actually, in which i wrote in my diary documenting my time dgn one of my ex, which is SECRET! haha :D.

He held my hands, warm and soft..

i felt as if i was in love again.
Our fingers were locked in each others;

and somehow i felt feelings that i did with my first love..

He treated me as if i was a delicate flower;
Carrying me, lifting me through the rain

...watched every step in which i took
I felt as if he was the one for me..
His sincere heart,
made me love him..

and everything he had within him

Today's song: Today more than yesterday - Kim Jong Kook
It has english subtitles. So you'll understand what it really means.
it's so sweet :).

confused; unsure.

2009-02-16T00:58:00.010+09:00

Current mood: catching tear drops in my hands.
As i sat down on my bed and looked at the clock, it pointed to 1.01am on a monday morning. I didnt know what was on my mind that kept me wide awake and i didnt know exactly what i was thinking about, but i knew it had something to do with my choices. It was definitely bothering me. "Did i make the right choice in trying to forget him", i asked myself and did i make the right choice in starting something new. Even though i have slowly crept up and started my life again, i was definitely clueless. i could not help but shed tears along the way. "Why am i so attached? Why cant i just stop thinking about him? Why?"
I wanted to stop it to be fair, i really do, but i knew that inside me, even though with the littlest thoughts on him, made me so much happier. But i did want to be fair too though, i didnt want to dissapoint the current one. Therefore forgetting him would definitely be included. How could i though? it was too hard for me.

Thinking about you, made my heart hurt,
and filled my hands with tears.

It brought me back to all those times we spent together,
It brought me back to those times where i thought it would last forever.
Maybe i dreamt too much, Maybe i thought too much.
I knew i was asking too much for; but somehow i've always wished for something more.

i missed your smile, and the way you look when you're happy.
i missed the way you talked, and the way you pout when you feel a little bit crappy.
i missed the way you mess up your hair and still look better than you did before,
and i missed all those times; when both of us thought it was soo much more.

Till this day,
i never knew why exactly did i like him;
till this day, i never knew why i was so attached to him.

Song for today: Dreaming With a Broken Heart - John Mayer.
Dedicated especially for this post. :'(

Bossanova music :/

2009-02-14T17:41:00.010+09:00

current addiction: humming urban stereo:/ bossanova music.
Lately i've been catching up on all my music whilst i design. I got bored of what i have in my library, so i decided to search on the internet for alternative music - k-indie, electropop, house music. I found the song that i mostly downloaded from this kind of genre very soothing and yet still very entertaining and cheerful. Suddenly i felt very motivated to continue on with my fashion designs. I found out some good artists or bands, i would suggest to listen to some of these; e.g:

--Louviet, Oldfish, Jelly Boy, House Rulez, The melody, Casker, Monotonik, EZ Hyoung, Apls ("My best" -- the title of the song), Toy, Where the story ends, Jeppet, Clazziquai, Astrobits, Neuvos Discos, Lucite rabbit, Mascota Blue, Infinity of sound, Oriental funk stew, Ignite, Viva soul--

and, of course Humming Urban Stereo. I heard a couple of their songs, and they are a pretty awesome band. I found their music entertaining and light and yet it has that soothing feel to it that rarely is found in music these days. I was before very much and still is addicted to the fluxus band - clazziquai. i found their music memorable and hip, it was interesting to listen too.

Here are some brief music of H.U.S. You could have a try and listen to:
Hawaiian Couple
Baby Love

Oh yes, and going on to another topic, today was straight forward boring, i did have a valentines date for my valentine's day though. some people say that its not good to celebrate it, but we are given the opportunity, and plus im not even really celebrating it. I just decided to just have a stroll with an old friend. lol. So far i have had some people who asked me to be their gf's, but to be honest, i have dead feelings about everyone; meaning i dont really have any feelings for anyone. i am just enjoying it as i go along. I know i havent been single for long, but to be honest, it kinda feels nice for once. I admit that some things are better when you're single.

Valentines does not just have to be a day for lovers, but a day for your own self too.
I am loving every single bit of it. Oo yes, and these are the pictures i took of humming urban stereo, im not trying to convert anyone to liking them but just give it a try you might not know, you might love them as much as i do :).

giving it a chance

2009-02-12T23:13:00.002+09:00

i dont know simply why, and i know that ive decided to stop all of it. but knowing how i felt towards that person is not the same way he felt towards me; made me suffer a terrible pain burried deep inside my heart. I suddenly noticed what it felt for the people who liked me, but i completely ignored them. I realised that the person i love would never give me a chance. i now realised that; what im doing is basically what the person i love is doing to me.

i fully havent gotten over him yet. i do admit that, but ive always figured that im young and theres tonnes of things i would rather do then to just sit here and wait for you. so i decided to move on with my life. and start things new. i turned down 2 people, but suddenly my other friends asked me too. so i didnt know what to do now seeing as their all my friends and well. i was a bit dizzy. one wrote a very sweet poem for me. dedicating it especially for me and all. it was really sweet. the other serenaded me with a beautiful song. the others told me their deepest feeling towards why they like me, and to be honest,somehow in my heart i felt as if every word they said was very sincere. theres only one question left to figure out now. Should i, or should i not accept just one of them?

sunflowers and presents

2009-02-09T15:02:00.000+09:00

On sunday; i was ever so delighted when my friends came to drop off some flowers. Especially my favourite. sunflowers. didnt know where he got it from; but i was grateful and pretty much delighted to see him. I havent seen him in ages; we sat and talked for hours, and realised time passed by so fast. After sending him goodbyes at the door; i wondered to myself; what did we ever do to stop talking to each other i wonder. There was a complete silence between us for years, and to be honest i didnt know why it was like that. i guess we had completely different time schedules.

i was amazed actually the fact that he came all the way here to see me; just to get back to the times we were good friends. The rest are like normal days. Monday was completely a monday, filled with boredom, i was trapped in this house and didnt know where to go. I went jogging today, and went to the riverside to get some air. It was really beautiful. As i sat down i kinda tought about what i said yesterday; and it was the truth and it was a thing i should've done ages ago when my friends popped up the question. Thanks to a certain someone; he helpe me things better i guess, and im completely satisfied. i told my friends about it, and personally they didnt have any grudges on me which was great, and im still talking to them like usual. the way i always do. i am glad they did understand me though; because at a young age i dont think i want to have enemies. lol.

As the day passes along; yana popped up on my screen saying she ate cuppacake. i was totally jealous of her, because i wanted to taste it for such a long time. it drove me crazy and it drove my parents nuts when i couldnt stop nagging. lol. as i was talking to her, i kinda missed the times i spent with her when she's here. i missed her; i really do.

love cant be forced;

2009-02-09T12:44:00.000+09:00

i have finally decided to let everything go. Even though they are my friends; i cant bare the thought of forcing myself to love someone who i just cant. i cant bare it anymore. A friend told me in life i have to be selfish sometimes; and i thought about it, and finally came to my senses that love cant be forced especially when you see the other person as just a friend. I hope what im doing is right though, and i do hope that what i do and what i decide wont be pushed away by my friends. i love them; but i guess as just friends. I have been forcing myself to like someone when even i know myself that i cant, so im finally letting go. Even though this takes a rough turn and i might not end up the way i want to with them, ill bare with it.

i just cant bare the pain i'd have to go through, lying to myself; and telling myself to believe that im in love with them when im not. I should just tell that to the other besides the two who asked me. I barely even know him. But right now i dont think i want to. I have gone through so much; that even the only people i like in my whole life rejected me. Maybe; im not meant to be with them. Maybe having the people i love beside me is just not possible.

Everytime i wanted to whisper to him that i like him; he would just turn away and pretended nothing has happened. It hurts. Every moment i think of him; Every single second of every day. i would only see him; but he wouldnt see me.

Is it so hard; for someone like him to love me?

building blocks

2009-02-08T21:50:00.000+09:00

current mood: addiction to photography and editing; and loving it.
today i would say, was pretty much a bore, i didnt know how to break it to my parents that i have dyed my hair blonde. how should i say to them? and exactly what am i suppose to get for my dad's birthday present i wonder. plus results are coming out soon, and im pretty scared and nervous. i hope i pass everything. i really hope i do.
my current addiction is driving me crazy, cause i would just stay all day long infront of my computer to finish editing photos, or just updating this blog. hehe. also current i would say that my love life is zero. im still deciding on who to choose. they are my friends and i dont want to hurt any of them, but truthfully and honestly im not really looking forward to any plans of coupling with anyone further on. oh well, we'll see how it goes. even im not fully sure yet. should i or should i not? yes! that is the question. haha. to be honest also; im still not fully recovered from what a certain someone did to me.
and im just not feeling the love from anyone yet. i dont want to continue on with being in a relationship from one to the other because well i do not like them that way, and secondly what that person did to me hurts a lot, that for me it was unbearable pain. eventhough i said i would forget him. but forgetting is hard; and to be honest, i really dont want to get into this coupling business. ive coupled to much that even my own friends call me a playgirl. though they do not know the real reasons to why; but it hurts when someone calls you that. i have never thought of it that way. but i guess now i have.

confessions

2009-02-07T12:58:00.000+09:00

current mood: feeling a bit dizzy.
basically the whole night was a big blur of editing this whole blog and expressing what i think love and romance is. which is the whole point of the blog anyways.
people call me jiwang; or too romantic.
i look at it this way; some people have emotions in which they can share more than other people; and some people think all this stuff is corny. but i guess everyone has opinions on different things; and you can judge me all you want. but to be honest, i do not care, and have never given a shit about what others think.

Anyways today i had the worst time ever; not to say the least. but two of my guy friends recently confessed that they liked me and somehow really wanted to be with me?
So i was in a blur state whereby i could'nt decide anything at that moment you know. They're pretty close friends in which i know on the same level. and plus it was a big pressure on me because if i didnt accept one of them they would turn away. Like you know how some guys are, If you reject them suddenly they wont talk to you anymore. I didnt know what they liked about me, cuz most of the time i ignored them and treated them like they were invisible. but i guess what my mum says is true;

"men want what they cant get"

i cant believe what my mum said was true. lol. didnt know she had in her. anyways, to me both of the were just friends, and i have never imagined them as more than that, and when they confessed to me, i was in total shock because you see, i have always thought that they hated me by the way they treated me which was teasing me 24/7. but then i found out that they were just doing that purposely so they could stand out from the other guys. So i would notice them much more. To be honest; their strategy was lacking because you DO NOT pick up a girl by teasing them. haha. but i am currently very indecisive so we'll see how it goes next. i am sooo clueless right now :)

hold me tight

2009-02-07T03:54:00.000+09:00

"Better never to have met you in my dream;

than to wake up and reach for hands

that are not there."

Otomo No Yakamochi

falling in love

2009-02-07T02:56:00.000+09:00

"You are the light within my soul ,

Youre the breath that gives me life,

You are the only one who makes me feel alive,

Youre the love of my whole life,

Stay in my arms with me tonight;

if its only for one precious sleepless night"

a past lover.

2009-02-05T02:12:00.001+09:00

with the thoughts of my previous ex running through my head.

i just couldnt sleep.

why did i break up with him in the first place?

that same question passed through every second.

he was the sweetest guy; who never cheated on me.

and has always loved me and supported me eventhough

i treated him as if i didnt know him.

my ex told me a secret;

that he has always imagined us being together.

and has always imagined that we would be together forever.

as the conversation got serious.

i found his company very entertaining and somehow i missed the times we spent together.

as i was busy for a while i told him
i would be right back

after i took care of those things.

without realising he left me a message. it said

"honey, ive always loved you, and will always do

if i had one more chance of being with u again,

i promise to god i wont let you go..

i miss you darling"

with those words going through my head;

i somehow regretted i ever broke up with him.

he has never hurt me nor broken my heart.

i wonder; if i could turn back time,

would he be one of the people i would not let go...

happy and hopeful.

2009-02-03T13:57:00.001+09:00

one of my friends asked me a few days ago; what was my dream.
and was i alreay happy with my life.
that same simple question keep popping up in my head; and i didnt know it was.
after a few days of realising things back again;
i found out that i do have a dream; i do have a goal in life.
and eventhough im trapped. im already happy with it.
there are some ups and downs of course to it.
but it'll eventually be okay again i guess.
i didnt need anybody in my life except my friends and family.
i didnt need a lover to be happy.
i didnt need a lot of things that were unnecessary.
i want to start my life all over again.
as if nothing happened. as if i was ages ago.
as if no one special appeared in my life.
but only me; my friends and my family.

finally letting go.

2009-01-31T18:20:00.001+09:00

to be honest;

and to be fully truthful to myself and my friends.

i am finally happy with my life.

i dont have to like someone or stay with someone to be happy.

i've got my friends and my family.

and even though i dont have the guy i use to brag a lot about in this blog

as my boyfriend. im still happy.

the thoughts of him are finally coming to a stop.

i dont know why simply; but for me things are fine the way they are now.

im happy on what he wants to do;

and im happy being myself.

ive got my friends behind me and matt;

and to be honest, ive never felt better.

my once housemate; and a sister i'd always look up to

amal; you've been a great housemate and a great friend.

eventhough i keep teasing you; to be honest for me

i wish i had someone like you always in my house to cheer me up.

im gonna miss you when you go back permanently.

im going to miss the wonderful times ive spent with you during my time at beveridge street.

ill miss you soo much; so take care out there. believe me youre gonna be a big HIT! :D

to kak amal; farewell. i am going to miss your cooking; and your kecoh-ness.

and to the guy i used to like;

farewell. and take care.

lets just keep things as memories; as past thoughts.

nothing more than that :)

Alex - 데이지 (Daisy)

2009-01-26T18:44:00.000+09:00

A beautiful song written by Alex chu.
Here is the translation of the song.

What do I need to do, I really don’t know
Teach me, how to get to your heart
This bright of smile
I haven’t seen before, I guess I’m nervous like this
Oh just hold me now and kiss me now
At this moment think of us only

I’ve only thought of you the entire day
Did you know the way you give me laughter
Is only by you?
I only dream of you

Because in this world I only see you
Did you know the way you give me pain
Is done solely by you?
I need you so much

What do I need to do, I really don’t know
Teach me, how to get to your heart
This bright of smile
I haven’t seen before, I guess I’m nervous like this
Oh just hold me now and kiss me now
At this moment think of us only

I’ve only thought of you the entire day
Did you know the way you give me laughter
Is only by you?
I only dream of you

Because in this world I only see you
Did you know the way you give me pain
Is done solely by you?
I need you so much

In eager hopes of desire, I’ve waited all this time just for you
You were my dream of course
From now on I’ll become your entire dream come true

I’ve only thought of you the entire day
Did you know the way you give me laughter
Is only by you?
I only dream of you

What should I do, you already know

missingyou.

2009-01-26T15:16:00.000+09:00

You can judge me all you want;

But i miss you..

I really do..

slowly reviving.

2009-01-25T22:59:00.000+09:00

the thoughts of him is slowly starting to deteriorate,

i dont know whether its a plus or a minus for me.

but at least; i know i did the right thing.

i didnt want to destroy his relationship; and

i didnt want to be a part of a big fight.

though sometimes i do look back at the sweet times

and precious moments in which we shared together;

but let that be just a past memory.

Eventhough it's going to be a rough battle to forget you;

but at least im trying with all my will.

I liked you so much from the bottom of my heart;

and i know the pain is unbearable sometimes..

but knowing you and her will live happily together;

im happy enough :).

Memories of you are starting to fade away

and im starting to think about you less.

I thank god sometimes that it is this way.

The pain was unbearable to go through.

With the thoughts of you running through

every few seconds;

i thank god that it is finally fading away.

I am hoping that me and you will stay good friends.

and that what im doing right now is the right thing.

Eventhough it hurts me badly, at least i tried my best.

Hoping you'll have a better life..

Emotions.

2009-01-24T00:57:00.000+09:00

It's over and done

But the heartache lives on inside.
And who's the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight.

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go,go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It’s just emotions
Taking me over
I'm Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don’t you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
And don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It’s just emotions taking me over
I'm Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don’t you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

And where are you now,
now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It’s just emotions taking me over
I'm Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don’t you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
And don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

flashing images.

2009-01-23T20:58:00.000+09:00

your image flashes in my head every few seconds.
trying to forget you is the hardest thing.
i tried, and tried. but all i could see was youu.

if only things were different,
if only i knew you first,
if only you liked me.

but i guess,
in this world,
you cant get everything you want :'(

catching tear drops in my hand..

2009-01-22T17:44:00.000+09:00

no words could ever explain the pain and hatred i felt towards a certain someone.
i was never expecting anything from him, neither was i in love with him.
but somehow he made me feel worse, then i could have ever imagined.

After all my family problems have passed; this then comes along.
i am not even fully cured from the first problem, now it moves to the second.
i felt angry but at the same time it hurts me to believe in so much of him;
and literally just find out that he was a complete hoax and a liar.

i remember when i asked him "who was the girl", he quickly answered back that they were
just close friends. Somehow i didnt believe it, but my heart wanted to believe it.
I spent most of the time with him thinking that we had so much things in common.
I spent most of the time, believing that he liked me too.

but of course he didnt. when i found out from his girlfriend herself,
i felt so embarassed. How can he not tell me about it.
how can he not..

To be honest, i dont know what to think of anymore..
but i know for sure,
once you lie to me, i would never see you as the same person again..

a secret crush.

2009-01-19T13:31:00.000+09:00

ive known you for a long time.
and in that time we became close friends.
since the first time we spoke.
ive always had a hint of happiness in my heart.
i even told you, that there was a moment,
a long time ago that i fell for you.
eventhough its not true,
because i still do.. i have always wanted you.

i have always been happy seeing you.
i have always been happy with the decisions u made.
i have always been happy with any girl you liked.
and i have always watched you from afar,
as you move on from one to the other.

eventhough you said there was one point in which you liked me.
i never really believed it
because you always saw me as a younger sister.

i love seeing you smile, and the way you react.
the way you treat me, makes me feel happy when i'm unhappy
from the bottom of my heart,
i have somehow always wanted you.
my heart hurts everytime you spoke of others.
and my heart hurts whenever you liked another

to be honest, all of it is a lie.

even though you're not mine; even with the slightest thoughts of you running through my head,
makes me greatful, that somehow..

deep inside..

i really really liked you and im never going to stop it...

needing a shoulder to lean on..

2009-01-12T01:44:00.000+09:00

there's a problem in which bothers me a lot nowadays, i dont know whats pressuring me exactly or what is wrong with me. but im starting to feel as if my relationship with my boyfriend is on the rocks. to be honest these couple of days after i got back from kl, i try to get everything back together eventhough i was pissed as hell of what he said about me, i tried to erase it.

but somehow im starting to see things very clearly about him and i. Mostly things to do with us fighting a lot. Everything from not messaging each other, talking or calling each other would be later on resulted in us fighting. I couldnt stand it anymore to be honest. I dont want to be in a relationship whereby every few hours, we are always in a fight. It doesnt make me feelany better. Nowadays, he has been so over protective, so sensitive about the slightest move i make.
My friend yana has always said that if i felt wrong about it, and uncomfortable, i should always end it. But somehow it was harder than i thought. I love spending time with him, i love every moment we were together eventhough it wasnt perfect as hell, but it was a lovely time.

and to let go of him just like that, it made my heart hurt. but to see us fighting and fighting everyday, made my heart even hurt more that it did. With everyday gone by, i felt as if my heart got soar day after day. This time, it made me cry nearly everyday of being with him. There was always one thing in which made us fight, and by us fighting, it turned my nights into sleepless, uncomfortable nights. i love him with all my heart, but i cant bare the pain of being with him. If being with him means i have to cry every night and try to hide it from my friends, and spend less time with my friends.. then maybe i should really end it. the words are easy to be said but is hard to be done. My feelings for him are strong. but, but, somehow i always secretly cried in my room when my friends are having fuun. i didnt know anywhere else to go, and to hiide. but right now i feel as if i wanted to just run away from here. just for a while for me to get back together. To be honest, i dont want to fight with him, because i have always loved him.
nowadays i seem to think that .. fighting is all we do in this relationship..

good things are going for me

2008-11-07T02:24:00.000+09:00

well im just starting a brand new relationship, and its been 3-4 weeks that we've been together?
anywho's im excited because he is just one in a million. Apparently my bf has been asking me weird questions lately, like do i like diamond rings, and necklaces? or do i wear ear rings.. which kind off brought me to the topic of my birthday. WHICH IS COMING UP by the way. somehow im just not that excited about it, because of my bad past experiences, but im hoping this time aroung, itll be a great one. i know my lovely honey bunny wont be here to celebrate with me, but once im back in msia, ill be in his arms forever to love and hold. hehe :D

oh god i miss him, everything about him just drives me wild. he is gorgeous inside and out. and the fact that he is such a nerd, just LITERALLY TURNS ME ON!. i like the fact that he is so truthful, and even though he doesnt know how to really grasp onto my heart and the fact that he doesnt know it; makes him even more lovable. i tend to be very secret with my relationship this time around, cause i dont really want to spoil it, especially me being his first love and all.

i want this to last as long as possible and i hope allah would allow me in doing so. He sends me msgs before everything he does, saying that he misses me and loves me so much and wants to hug me and kiss me, and in those times, i felt as if i fell in love again for the very first time. My heart flutters, and i forget everything.

honey, sayang, baby, say, comel : you're the blood in which runs through my vains.

alex and shin ae's last episode.

2008-10-30T12:01:00.000+09:00

I was suprised when i found out that the romantic couple will film their last episode in mid november. Especially when they have just started out their friendship and their journey through love. I absolutely love love love this couple, and it kills me to see them leaving. One thing for sure is that if i was in alex and shin ae's position right now, i would do the same thing. To go through all of that, and still be able to appear on a show consistently; i very much feel their pain.

For one thing, the alshin couple would always be in the hearts of us alshinners, and without them, we got married wouldnt be what it is right now.. A great show admired by anyone and everyone..

I'll miss you, Alex.

I'll miss you Shin Ae.

You've taught us so many good values in a relationship in which we should cherish.

We'll miss you Alshin.

the perfect picture

2008-10-27T01:03:00.000+09:00

I have seen you a million times
And every time I see you
I fall in love with you all over again
My heart starts to race
My frown turns into a smile
And all my worries are now in my past
When you smile at me my heart melts
You give the sweetest hugs
Every time you hug me
Your smile is like a new day
Your sense of humor is like no other

The ability you have to make me smile, is all you need you love me.

Your laugh is so soft and sweet

Just looking in your eyes, makes me melt inside

Your lips look so soft, soft enough to kiss

You, yourself relive me from all pain. Your hands are as soft as a pillow. The way you comfort me is amazing. Every time we say good-bye I start to cry

I say good-bye to you too many times

I said good-bye to you a million times.

love comes wihen its ready;

2008-10-27T00:40:00.000+09:00

after hearing my friends thoughts on my "tonnes of boyfriends", and the words that came out of my friends housemates which is, that i didnt have any feelings.. i decided myself, that what im going through is normal, and is experienced by everyone who has fallen in love, who wants to be loved, and who is going through love. I tried not to think much about it, since well im at a young age, and eventhough i dont want to say this.. i am vulnerable to fall in love with any guy who treats me the way he is supposed too.

i have had so many previous relationships that i dont really appreciate them. Neither do i have any feeling towards them. I've somehow always thought that i needed someone to be beside me, eventhough i dont really like the person neither do i have any feelings for them..

i have now given up any selfish thoughts, and have decided to give my love life a chance once again, -- a chance to redeem myself, for what i have done to all of my ex-es. I'm really sorry, but hey!, you guys are feeling better now right?..

i'm always going to be good friends with my ex-es. i dont want a break up to ruine a friendship i have had for years. Therefore, since im in a realtionship now, i decided to give him a chance, and get to know him better instead of breaking up. i know its going to be hard for me in every way. but atikah..

please..

Let us be together for longer..

i really want to experience the feeling of being loved for a long time.. The feeling of excitement, everytime i land in malaysia, and everytime i hold his hands.. or hug him. I want to feel those things again, like i used to, with my first love..

separated// broke off.

2008-10-20T03:17:00.000+08:00

i liked you, and i admit that.

i still do..

but i knew it wasnt working out..

i knew it from the moment i saw that msg.

you werent truthful to me.

and im sorry. let's just be friends.

i prefer it that way..

2008-10-02T13:56:00.000+08:00

i am

finally free

from the clutches of evil!

i am

finally free from

everything

drum roll please!..

woohoooooooooo

EXAMS ARE OVER! .

finally over. im done :D

done with it,

and i'm going back to malaysia.

im so HAPPY :).

so, so, so happieeeeeee.

p.s: excuse me for my pointless blog post, but HELLO la, you didnt

know what i had to go through, during raya. my family ditched me

to go raya-ing at people's house, as i sit at liyana's place studying.

that day has now come upon us..

2008-10-01T10:15:00.000+08:00

RAYA, RAYA, RAYAAAAAAA.

selamat hari raya & maaf zahir dan batin. to all my friends, family and of course, my bf.
i know i havent been the best girlfriend considering it's our third month together, and i still dont
fully undestand my boyfriend as much and still dont believe him.. BUT!

i would try my best though; knowing i myself, want it to work.

hopefully it pays off.
also in this joyous hari raya day, it is also a bright day for my relationship for i have broken my maximum record for being with a guy. I have before this been with a guy for 1 year, and it was my first bf, after that all my relationships lasted 2 months. the period of only 2 months. im glad i broke it, and now im in my 3rd month relationship with my current boyfriend.
It may not be that perfect, but i'm working on it. I think our whole family has this tradition of changing boyfriends. haha. Look at my mum, and my cousins, and my aunties.

NO, WE ARE NOT PLAYGIRLS!

but we are girls, who are seeking true love, and wont rest till we get the real thing.
im sooo jealous of my sis, cuz she found the perfect one in my brother in law, abg hadi.
LUCKY!, and therefore i want to follow in the footsteps of her and my mum. It has been years, and they're still together. thinking about it makes me even more depressed than ever actually. considering, i have an exam this afternoon.. and it goes on till like dark. OMG! i am so going to die. i hope i'll do okay, and i hope everything goes fine today. because to be honest with you, my head has been hurting real bad not just because of exams, but because of another problem.
i know im thinking too much. but i hope i solve it soon.

p.s: syg, i need to talk to you..

exam rush

2008-09-29T12:45:00.000+08:00

Woke up to my sister screaming!..

"Atikaaaaah! bgn, bgn. Kak hani is on tv"..

i didnt know what she was talking about.. i'm like, "what do you mean on tv?".

i was half awake when i walked up to my sister, and i saw my sis, and..

ooooOOOOOOO...

i saw kak hani, on the tv, the full wedding video is out.

from the beginning of today and the end of last night, i knew what has to be done today..

and that was to study., tp lepas nmpak kak hani je, my face was glued to the screen..

it was exciting, i didnt even realise like 4 hours has gone by, and this was like including

BEHIND THE SCENES.

which was totally awesooome!. Considering i woke up pretty late,

and i spent 4 hours on the wedding video..which is by the way not a good thing to do,

because by the end of it, it was like afternoon, nearly getting dark, and i havent studied at all today.

my sister said to me : "very productive day, atikah".

siao la. she invited me to watch that video in the first place, and disturbed me from my sleeping.

and now she's saying that. i tell you that girl is PSYCHO sometimes..

and even she doesnt know it!

For today, im not updating anything romantic, because im just not feeling it today.

i am sleepy, tired, and i cant remember what i just study last night.

i hope other people have better luck than i do.

Yana, and Jess! good luck my dears! do your best.

somehow, inside; i feel alone.

2008-09-27T03:39:00.001+08:00

Somehow, inside; i feel so alone.

Knowing the fact that i do have a boyfriend, and knowing the fact

that sometimes we fight doesnt bother me at all.

The fact that i cant stand the most, is very hard to say.

I am beginning to feel worried; alone. As if i had nobody.

i know that i do have someone, to love me, and to take care of

me, but he himself does not notice his faults.

I do know everyone has their faults, but there was one thing,

ONE thing..

he did; that even if i'd thought of it once, it would drive me crazy.

i wanted to just tell him what it was, so we could fix it..

but seeing him so comfortable the way he was.. when he did it

seeing him so relaxed..

i couldnt say it to him. Inside his heart, i knew he knew why i was mad..

and inside mine, i knew; he knew i was mad for that reason..

why couldnt you just stop it;

when you knew i loved you..

why....

2008-09-18T15:40:00.000+08:00

Do you know that you alone..

Can make me laugh;

That you alone can hurt me…

I dream of no one else but you…

Love Letter From Yana;

2008-09-15T01:32:00.000+08:00

My alarm clock
My sleeping potion
My atikah

What will I do without you
every morning
If there were no lunatic screaming for my name outside the window
Oh,
I would oversleep and miss class (WADUH!)

Thank you for being my cuckoo clock yah!
TICK TOCK TOCK!
‘liyana! OPEN THE MUTHAFUCKING DOOOOOOR!’

My chichiness,
Thank you for you craziness
I always thought I was alone out here
Turns out, there are worse people than me
WAHHAHAHHAHAHAAH

My sistah
Thank you for loving my hair
Keep on insisting on shaving it bald or dying it red
It flatters me that you want me to look my best
(note the sarcasm)
I KNOW YOU JEALOUS LA

My bigbuttedfriend,
Thank you for introducing me to big bang
I don’t know what I will do without them everyday

God knows how empty my life was like before those five (HOT!) Korean men appeared in my life

Sarang he yo, atikah, me sarang you.
A lot. Muah muah.

And thank you for teaching me some Korean words, althouh you have tried your best, I still think I can do better.

ARIGATO GOIZAIMASU!
Aik…

My atikah,
I love you shampoo smell
What brand was it again, ah?
Use pantene la,,,like me,
Then we can matching matching.
Fun fun meh

And finally, my dearest friend,
Other than lulu, jess, and the others
Thank you for always keeping me company
I love the way you torture me…and spank me…
I will never forget those nights.
Remember THAT night?
Oh yes…..

Yana sing…’I love you…
I honestly love you….’

2008-09-13T12:33:00.000+08:00

...stole my heart, from the very start
and gave me an illness that i could not recover from...

우리 결혼했어요..

2008-09-10T05:22:00.001+08:00

Mr. Vintage Romance,
A concert compiling all his favourite songs, including the one playing on my blog. yeah! From the beginning, my thoughts of Alex was very little considering i didnt know him that well, i only knew he was on a show called "We got married", which is by the way the best show ever. From that point on, i watched youtube a lot just browsing through who were the characters in the show, and what were their past background. Came across this guy, who i didnt even know existed. I knew Clazziquai, but i didnt really concentrate on him. But! thank god i did, because he has the most angelic voice i've ever heard. Seriously, if someone thinks he's dodgy before, they will say differently after they watch him serenade shin ae.

" When im with you 100 years can pass by,
and i wouldnt realise it..."

It was the cutest moment in her whole entire life maybe. It was so sweet, that once listening to it, you'll melt just like the melodies in the song cuz they flow so well.. And not to mention the lyrics were written by god. haha. Just an expression!. lol. It was the sweetest thing a person could think of. and kinda think of it, my blog was inspired by his lyrics. Now liyana calls it jiwang and shit. BUT! i do not, and i think it's sweet to fall in love, and to have a song that is so great, sang to you live by hot body, angelic voice guy right? SO, pfffft.. to all those liyana calling me jiwang thing. because it's not jiwang its romantic!
haha. i hope she does not read this . ya?

그대라면..

2008-09-08T03:33:00.000+08:00

"if i could love only one person in my entire life,

just ONE person, that person would be YOU.. "

There are some things, that cant be said to a person, some things that just cant be expressed by words itself..something to a certain someone in my life..

Writing my feelings down, i couldnt possibly find the words to describe how much i love that certain someone. Thinking about him now, and how far i am from him. i somehow regret i have ever started a relationship with him... It's just because...without me.. he could' ve found another person who would there beside him always to comfort him, and to spend every lonely moments together.

I REGRET, not being able to be there for him.. TO SPEND every moment separated from him. i couldn't put into words how much hatred i felt for myself. Not being able to be with you was the hardest thing for me. Instead of leaving me; you chose to stay beside me, and to love me from afar.

I have always seen you crying,The moment I first saw you, I knew If it's you, if it's you by my side. If it's you, if we're together,It could be forever. You, I would smile for you..You, I would cry for youIf just once in my life, just onceI would love, it would be you. I have seen you lonely, The first time I saw your tears, it had hurt so much. If it's me, if it's me by your sideIf it's me, if we're together,We could be happy.You, I would live for you; You, I would walk beside you..

If just once in my life, just onceI would love, it would surely be youI will become a deeply rooted tree that will block everything..When the wind blows you won't need to support the brilliant flowers on my branch forever. You, I would love no one but you. You, I would live for youIf just once in my life, just onceI would love, it would definitely be you. You, just once in my life, just once I would love you ..

사랑..

2008-09-08T02:19:00.000+08:00

"Without me, No matter what happens, dont frown..

When you're lonely, or depressed dont be sad..

Just promise me.. when we meet each other;

We'll spend everyday like today.."

화분 - Alex

2008-09-08T01:34:00.000+08:00

멀리서 멀리서 멀리서 그대가 오네요,

이 떨리는 마음을 어떻게 말해야 하나요

그댄 처음부터 나의 마음을 빼앗고

나을 수 없는 병을 내게 주었죠

화분이 될래요, 나는 늘 기도 하죠,

난 그대 작은 창가에 화분이 될께요

아무 말 못해도 바랄 수 없어도

가끔 그대의 미소와 손길을 받으며

잠든 그대 얼굴 한 없이 볼 수 있겠죠

멀리도 멀리도 멀리도 그대가 가네요,

떨어지는 눈물을 어떻게 달래야 하나요

그댄 처음부터 나의 마음을 가졌고

나을 수 없는 병을 앓게 한 거죠

화분이 되고픈 나는 늘 기도하죠,

난 그대 작은 창가에 화분이 될께요

아무 말 못해도 바랄 수 없어도

가끔 그대의 미소와 손길을 받으며

잠든 그대의 얼굴 한 없이 볼 수 있겠죠

난 그대 작은 창가에 화분이 될께요,

아무 말 못해도 바랄 수 없어도

가끔 그대의 미소와 손길을 받으며

잠든 그대 얼굴 한 없이 바라 볼 수 있겠죠

Romantic Love

2008-09-08T01:15:00.000+08:00

Thank you for all the ...

Beautiful Memories;

you have given me...

Family LOVE;

2008-09-01T21:36:00.000+08:00

ayah & i; love you daddy

it's about time to spread the LOVE, and tell you about the ones who are always there for me.

MY FAMILY; MYLOVE

here, are just some photos of my dad and i, and with my family.

without them i wont be the person i am now..

they're the greatest joy in which a person could have.

and even though i whine about how much i cant stand having them,

i still love them deep down inside.

SHHHHHH; IT'S A SECRET!

cupcakes for SE7EN day

2008-09-01T21:08:00.000+08:00

The Making of these CUPCAKES :)
we love you, owh! so much..
SE7EN Oppa
07-07-07 SE7EN DAY

These are old pics taken on se7en day. 07-07-07.

YES! the triple se7en number. On that great day, we decided to show our love and care for a singer named se7en. a korean icon. a hot love making machine. and oh yes! the GREAT private. lol. yana knows what i'm talking about.

well anywho's we decided to show our love by making cupcakes. yes! Koreanified cupcakes:)

they taste OH SO GOOD!. lol. just wished you guys could've tasted it. YUM YUUUMMM.

p.s: when posting elsewhere please credit this blog.

2008-08-30T11:56:00.000+08:00

Kau begitu sempurna,
Dimataku kau begitu indah,
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu,

Disetiap langkahku,
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu,

Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu,

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku,
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua,
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa,

Kau adalah darahku,
Kau adalah jantungku,
Kau adalah hidupku,
Lengkapi diriku,
Oh sayangku, kau begitu,
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku,
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh,

Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku,

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku,
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua,
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa,

Kau adalah darahku,
Kau adalah jantungku,
Kau adalah hidupku,
Lengkapi diriku,

Oh sayangku, kau begitu,
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku,
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh,
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

bustling cities - a day in perth - my 2nd home

2008-08-29T17:42:00.000+08:00

Classes; Why is it compulsary to attend?

2008-08-16T19:19:00.000+08:00

Classes,

Why are they compulsary to attend?

who firstly made up the word classes or the word compulsary?

Who even made up the word lessons?

or the word maths, english and geography?

Why do we have to suffer through life?

There is not one bit about it that is exciting.

Once classes have finished.

You continue on to work; which is much more stressful.

Late Working hours, Stressful studying.

Might as well just take your life while you're young.

You dont have to go through all of the pain other people go through;

It is just a waste of time.

Growing up comes with responsibilties..

2008-08-16T19:07:00.000+08:00

Ever heard of the expression?

"Growing up comes with responsibilities"?

We as humans take on big responsibilities, some in which tends to be bigger than others.

To be honest, i dont know whether what i'm doing is right..

But the thought of my sister nagging at my ears 24/7 drives me wild.

Being with her makes me angry,

and the thought of having her as a sister drives me more insane;

but is what im doing right?,

i mean she is only there to see the best in me.

Maybe im to spoilt and such;

Oh, i dont know, i have never considered myself as an adult.

Maybe i do not want to grow up yet.

I just enjoy being young and free.

And not to give a damn about the world.